Breeders Cup - Saturday!!!

In my own perfect world, I shall be awoken tomorrow with a mostly empty bottle of kettel, top hat and monocle in disaray, and lucy pinder wearing only a sheet after my financial gains on the Friday card. In case that DOESN'T happen, and most likely even if it does, it's off to a full day of racing that makes even the most degenerate gambler, in this case, lets call him me, get excited. On to the races...

Marathon

We start today with a race so new, it doesn't even have a sponsor yet, next year, look for the Randy Marathon, where the horses will run, and I will drink. Should be good times for all the participants. For this year, really tough not to like the favorite, Sixties Icon, coming off a win at Ascot, which is plently impressive, and this field is nothing scary. I'm going to roll the dice with a heavy underdog though and try to hit a bomb with Muhannak, while I doubt the 20-1 ML stands, 15-1 should be plently, he absolutely LOVES the poly, winning 3 of his last 4 on it, and losing by a half length in the 4th. His form looks to be incresingly better. I'm also throwing Cedar Mountainin the mix who almost took a G2 at Hollywood last time out, and I always respect a Drysdale horse.

1. Muhannak 2. Sizties Icon 3. Cedar Mountain

Turf Sprint

I'm not going to overthink this. Mr. Nightlinger has won his last 5, and is won 5-6 on turf. Him getting 6-1 is almost sinful and makes me think something's up. BUT, even 4-1 seems like a solid play. Horse who is the x-factor is Idiot Proof, went to Dubai in March, and lost to arguably the best sprinter in the world by a length and a half. Only lost to the favorite, Get Funky by a length in his return race home, and was simply outclassed in his last. This field isn't nearly as strong as what he's seen. Finally, I'm going with a local trainer who's entry, True to Tradition, have won his last 2 in impressive fashion.

1. Mr Nightlinger 2. Idiot Proof 3. True to Tradition

Dirt Mile

Another race that I'm really not going to over think. Simply put, Well Armed has defeated most of this field, and is a VERY deserving favorite. Sometimes you just have to eat the chalk of the field. I have to put Lewis Michael to hit the board, as his trainer has just been on FIRE this year. ANd 6-7 have seen him either in the winners circle or placing. The rest of this field looks the same to me, so I'll go with a horse who is used to this level of competition and just ran a blistering :45 4f workout, in Surf Cat. But if anything I'm hoping to get Well Armed at 3-1 and a stone exacta with Lewis Michael. Side Note: Why the hell is this still called the Dirt Mile when it's now run over a synthrtic surface, I hear it's still 80% dirt, just seems like false advertising to me.

1. Well Armed 2. Lewis Michael 3. Surf Cat

Mile

And yet, they don't call this the Turf Mile, go firgure. We get our first look stateside at superhorse Goldikova, the filly is trying her luck against the boys, and looks to be extremely formiditable, much more than the other filly Precious Kitten, who looks to be outclassed today, and I wonder why Frankel didn't try to find a softer spot with her in yesterdays card. Horse I think with the best chance to take down the import is Kip Deville, the defending champ, and who ran over everyone until he found some soft grass last time out. Something tells me that Dutrow wants this race, as it's his best chance to have his picture taken today, add to the fact I get 5-1? I'm in. The Irish import, Whatsthescript has been very impressive over here under the eye of John Sadler, and figures to have a say in this as well. Looks like a 3 horse race, hint, hint, trifecta box, hint.

1. Kip Deville 2. Goldikova 3. Whatsthescript

Juvenile

We get our first real look at the horses who some will be running for the roses next May, and rendering it virtually impossible to know how they will fare under the big lights. Personally, from all reports, Square Eddie, is the one generating the most buzz, and is coming off a stunning win over poly his last out. Next tier looks to be the ongoing battle of Street Hero and Midshipman. They have squared off in their last 3, with Ship winning the first 2 before Hero turned the tide on him last out. Sign of his improvement or his lucky break? Too tough to tell. I DO know that Street Hero's sire, Street Cry produced Street Sense, who won this race 2 years ago. Only horse I can make a great case for is, once again, the Irish shipper Bushranger, but the surface concerns me.

1. Square Eddie 2. Street Hero 3. Midshipman

Juvenile Turf

Seems to have a lot more talent in this race, then the one before it, but 2 shippers really help that cause. 4 horses really jump off the page at me in this one. In oder of post position... Westphalia, anytime I see Aidan O'Brien, I take notice. Westy is coming off a nice G2 win, but is untested at a mile. Paddy the Pro has won his last 2, drops weight, and is a 1st time lasik, the latter of which should help him with the distance problem. Bittel Road has never lost and has Pletcher/Velazquez. Finally, Grand Adventure also hasn't lost, and has the best jockey at SA. For the life of me I can't see why Grand Aventure isn't the favorite. So I'll take my 5-1 and hope it holds. Something has to give in the clash of unbeatens, and while if I see the track showing a bias toward closers, I'd take Bittel Road, as his closing kick is among the best in this field, I don't think there is enough early speed for this race to breakdown. Don't overlook Donativum though, who is coming off a win in a 1.7 million allowence race.

1. Grand Adventure 2. Westphalia 3. Paddy the Pro 4. Bittel Road

Sprint

The race of the fragile. The best horses in this field have 3 races COMBINED this year. I keep going back to the defending champ, Midnight Lute, who has raced once this year, and it was 10th. So why do I like him you ask? I invite you to look at what he's done at this distance. Including a FREAK of a beyer at Toga last year at 7f. Simply impossible not to include Cost of Freedom who is perfect at this distance in his career, and beat 2 of his biggest challengers in todays race. I simply don't think Street Boss is fast enough. His wins aren't against the likes of these. So I'll finish my tri with Fabuloous Strike, who's only prep this year was in the Slop at the Vosburg, and missed the win by a head bob, but if he's on his game, I wouldn't be surprised.

1. Midnight Lute 2. Cost of Freedom 3. Fabulous Strike

Turf

The European invasion continues!!! Very wothy favorite here, as Soldier of Fortune has only lost to one of the best horses in the world in Zarkava (yes, I'm bummed he didn't make the trip over here. I hear he's a special horse), and Youmzain (who got 2nd in the Arc) this year. Absolutely no shame in either of those, and considering I don't see either name in this race, and fully know that across the pond they have a distinct class advantage on the grass, tough not to like. I'm also high on a previous champ, Red Rocks, who last time out defeated this little horse named CURLIN!!! Granted, it was to see what Curlin had over the grass, but anytime you beat the 10 million dollar man, it deserves mention. While Better Talk Now is a great story, as the old man (he's 9) keeps collecting checks, I can't see him hitting the board in this race. Not against these foes. While Grand Couturier sports freakishly good BSF's his last 2, both came over poor footing. If we get a random downpour, feel free to single him in this race, but on the hard turf of Santa Anita, I don't think he'll factor. The buzz over at otb's in England is Eagle Mountain who has been bet down BIG TIME in this race. They think he's the real deal, and have wagered accordingly. I'm going with a bomb to finish my tri in this one, and alert you to Dancing Forever. I'm willing to throw out his last 2, based on the weather conditions of the day. But on firm tracks, his record suddenly looks a lot better than his odds will dictate, having won 2 of 3, while losing by a neck to a solid Einstein in the 3rd.

1. Soldier of Fortune 2. Red Rocks 3. Dancing Forever. 4. Eagle Mountain

Classic

It's all Curlin, all the time. Rightfully so may I add. The 10 million (/dr evil voice) dollar man, is making his swan song, and the possibility of the epic shown down between Big Brown won't happen (btw... Curlin would have crushed him), it's still cool the connections decided to run him one more time for the public. I really didn't think they would after BB retired, not wanting to risk him over the Poly, but they did, and it's his race to lose. It's incredibly difficult to make a compelling case against him in this race. All of the overseas horses are untested at this distance, and are looking to try and catch lightning in a bottle to bolster stud fees down the line. Ravens Pass is coming off a G1 win at Ascot, while Fairbanks and Colonel John are trying their luck after wins in the Hollywood Gold Cup and Travers, respectively. The ultimate x-factor is the Japanese horse, Casino Drive, who I was looking to make a mint off of in the Belmont, but bowed out with a small injury, and had a quick prep in a small ALW race here at Santa anita a few weeks back. Distance should absolutely not be a problem, but no one really knows how good this horse is, or will be. Tough not to think Go Between won't hit the board, winning the Pacific Classic over a solid Well Armed last race, and has Mott/Gomez, who both deserve respect. He's also either won or placed in all 6 Synth starts. But this race is all about Curlin. Any other horse that crosses the line first will have to be considered an upset of upsets.

1. Curlin 2. Go Between 3. Colonel John 4. Ravens Pass

enjoy the races!!!!!

Breeders Cup Friday - Ladies Edition!!!

I won't get into the new format of spreading it over 2 days, the surface, etc. You can read about that anywhere, you want to make straight cash homey! Lets get right into the Friday card, and we'll do Saturdays tomorrow....

Filly & Mare Sprint

Tough race to start Breeders Cup. Only 4 out of the 14 I can consider a throw out, so I won't even bold their names, but Miraculous Miss, Jazzy, Tizzy's Tune, and La Tee aren't going to see a nickel of my money thrown their way. So lets jump into the star and favorite of the race, Indian Blessing , she's trying to become the first horse to win 2 different BC races, and is coming into the race in top form. My big question on her is if she likes the surface, workouts haven't been anything special, but based on talent alone, it's impossible not to play her in the top 3. Zaftig is the ultimate question mark going into this race, she absolutely ran away from the favorite last time out, but that was all the way back in June, and has gone unraced since. I'd be absolutely sick if she wins this race by 4 lengths (very possible) and I didn't play her due to the layoff, the bullet she fired goign around SA only helps solidify my belief, at 8-1, she's a must play. To round out my ex's and tri's... there are a lot of horses who I can make very strong angles for... starting with Magnificience, I can't get over her first 2 races, incredible numbers and both over this track. Hate the rail, but I think she stalks and puts up a big race here. It's tough not to like a horse with 3 G1 victories this year, and if it's a hot pace I see Intangaroo coming like a freight train down the lane to be a major player. Dearest Trickski has won 7 of 8 races and is perfect over Santa Anita, all while getting 15-1, and Ventura has some extremely consistent Beyer's. Indyanne figures to be the one everyone is going to have to catch, and she could wire the field. I'm going to box 4 horses in here to try and cover my bases...

1. Zaftig 2. Indian Blessing 3. Magnificience 4. Dearest Trickski

Juvi Filly Turf

Crap shoot of a race. Almost impossible to tel lthis erly in their careers, so I checked with some people who I trust in regards to breeding, and it looks as though Consequence was bred to win this race... "her mama, Educated Risk was a multiple G1 winner and finished 2nd in the 1992 BC Juvenile Fillies. Educated Risk is also a 1/2 sister to 1995 BC Distaff winner (and Hall of Famer) Inside Information. Consequence’s 3rd dam Clear Ceiling also produced G1 1000 Guineas winner Quick as Lightning, and the G1-placed turfster Infinite. " Works for me. Saucey Evening also has the pedigree, so she's in. And Sugar Mom is the only horse in this field that sports back to back 80+ BSF in her last 2, tough to ignore that.

1. Consequence 2. Sugar Mom 3. Saucey Evening 4. Maram

Juvi Filly

I'm excited to watch this race, as we may have a superstar in the making, approiately named Stardom Bound. Look at her race in the Oak Leaf http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1zp2UrlcKU. Wow. Not much else really needs to be said. Deserving favorite for certain, but with 2 yo's, ya just never know...so with that, I'm at least going to try and find some other horses who may have a chance, albeit a small one. Van Lear Rose has improved every race, and if the pattern continues tomorrow, should hit the board at long odds. Doremifasollatido, beside the awesome name, has the speed figures to be a factor in the outcome.

1. Stardom Bound 2. Doremefasollatido 3. Van Lear Rose 4. CS Silk

Filly & Mare Turf

Fascinating race. Arguably the best on the card on either day. Talent is in abundence in this race. Where to begin.. The favorite, Wait A While, the Pletcher/Velazquez entry has never lost on the SA dirt, going 3-3 and coming off a win here 3 weeks ago in the G1 Yellow Ribbon. But in something almost unpresedented, 5, count um 5 horses are coming off G1 wins! Amazing. Forever Together is coming off an impressive win at Kee, adn 2 back beat Dynaforce, who just won a G1 at Belmont 3 weeks back. Folk Opera is a horse you have to respect just becasue of the owner, and absolutely wired the field at this same distance in the G1 Taylor. Halfway to Heaven has only really lost to superhorses Zarkava and Goldikova, Pure Clan is a head bob away from being undefeated on turf. But the horse I think everyone is sleeping on, is Mauralakana. If you cross out her last race on a soggy day at Belmont, you're looking at the horse who was at the top of every Filly Turf list in the world. While I'm not crazy about Desormeaux, this horse should have plently lef to cross the wire first. Truly impressive line-up in this one, and the race I'm most eager to see how it unfolds. My take? Folk Opera takes the lead and is chased down in the final furlong by Mauralakana, with Pure Clan right behind...

1. Mauralakana 2. Folk Opera 3. Pure Clan 4. Forever Together

Distaff

The big one. Where everyone who hasn't had the privledge, gets to see Zenyatta. She really has no equal, think LeBron when he was in high school, or the kid who had a full beard and biceps when you were playing little league. She is bigger, she is faster, and she has the most talent in this, or any other field you put her in. I honestly think on Poly she could take Curlin down tomorrow. Not dirt mind you, but Zenyatta loves, let me say again, LOVES the poly. I'm not going to bore you with the other deatils, I just hope a bunch of people overthink this race and I somehow get her at even money. But who else has a chance of at least 2nd? Put me down on Hystericalady. She'll be the early speed, and will force everyone to come catch her. She's a proven commodity, and you get her at a long price. While everyone is raving about Cocoa Beach, and her freakish workout, I think this is the horse people go wild about only to see her come a disappointing 4th. Looking good working out, and beating Zenyatta are 2 completly different animals. I'd rather side with the other Godolphin entry, Music Note. Only loss this year was by a head to Proud Spell after making a move 4 wide, thats respectable. She should also have a perfect stalking trip around the track behind Hystericalady. We have to also give mention to the defending champ, Ginger Punch, who won this race in the slop at Monmouth last year, but I think she hands over her crown to a VERY deseerving Zenyatta.

1. Zenyatta 2. Hystericalady 3. Music Note 4. Cocoa beach

enjoy the races! I'll post Saturdays picks tonight/tomorrow....

10th annual....

Last year's was AWFUL, but that's my fault. As most of you know, this years festivities will be EXTRA special. Possibilities are endless. For the uninformed, this will give you at least some basic idea who the fuck these guys are. Some things I've learned after all these years on how I put this together....

1. Don't believe ANYthing the week leading up to the draft. It's not in the temas best interest so say anything. The benefit of doing this so late this year, I know I'll have at least 1 pick 100% correct, and now I know the vikings won't have a 1st rounder.

2. When reading others mock's, if they all have the same guy going to the same team... they normally don't go there.

3. Running backs tend to slip. Backs have a short career in the NFL,
so picking one high in the first round is a huge investment.

4. While not nearly as glamorous, both offensive and defensive lines will be picked heavily in the first round.

5. After the 10th pick in the first round, it is all about how well
you know what each team needs. Study the team needs and forget about
the "Best Player Available" theory. It no longer applies. The draft
today is so even in terms of talent that teams just pick to fill their
needs. Put the player in the spot that fits those specific team needs.

with that in mind.... we're off.

1) Miami - Jake Long, OT, Michigan. I feel confident with this one. Honestly, they signed him at a discount price for a #1 pick. I haven't heard a negative thing about the guy, but then again, I didn't hear anything bad about Robert Gallery when he went top 3 to Oakland a few years ago, and he SUCKS. I DO know the OL coach in Miami is terrific (he used to coach the Bolts). So if anyone can get the most out of this guy, it's him. Miami was in dire straights for OT, as their line had little to no talent returning from next year. Solid choice for them.

2) St Louis - Chris Long, DE, Virginia. This is arguably the swing pick for the "blue chippers". I think they wanted Jake Long, but now this pick is almost assurd to go defensive line. Rumors are, they LOVE Glen Dorsey, but they only had 31 sacks last year, and now, pairing him with last years 1st rounder Adam Carriker, they should be able to put more pressure on the QB. I've red they are unimpressed with Vernon Gholston, so it's between Long and Dorsey, based off of need, they go with Long.

3) Atlanta - Glen Dorsey, DT, LSU - Chatter recently that the Falcons are passing on Matt Ryan, and in a nice set up for them, Dorsey is still available. He's a force. And much like the Rams, they are protecting their first round, in this case Jamaal Anderson, from last year. They don't have a need at DE with Abraham on the other side, if healthy, this is a solid defensive line, and much needed for the falcons to start an identity.

4) Oakland - Vernon Gholston, DE, Ohio St - Almost impossible to tell what Al Davis wants. He's given out some obscene contracts in the offseason, but he loves freakish physical specimins, and Gholston fits the bill. He would be a needed presence, and puts young talent on 3 levels of the defense with Morrison at LB, and Huff at safety.

5) Kansas City - Brandon Albert, OG, Virginia. Now the owners of 13 picks, and another hole to fill by trading Allen to the Vike's, they would have loved to see Gholston or to a lesser degree Chris Long drop, but they have numerous holes to fill. I don't think they go with Ryan, as they still like Croyle, but need to protect him. Debate over who is the 2nd ranked prospect between Alberts and Ryan Clady, but conventional wisdom says go with intelligence, and Clady was rumord to score terrible on the Wonderlic test, while Alberts impressed. They say he transitions to OT in the NFL, and that's the only justifible reason for selecting a guard in the top 5. 2 guys from UVA in the top 5, unreal.

6) New York Jets - Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas. Offensive explosion. Thomas Jones was solid but not spectacular last year, and this guy can make just about any QB look good. Run DMC is a game changer and a much needed spark for a boring Jets offense. The interesting subplot here is how much they HATE the Pats, who pick directly after them. They will do whatever they can to screw them, and thats always fun to watch.

7)New England - Keith Rivers - LB, USC. Odds are pretty good you see a trade here as both the Saints and Bengals want Sedrick Ellis pretty bad, and a team who is high on Matt Ryan would make a move, but since it's impossible to predict trades (like picking players is easy /sarcasm), we are sticking with original teams. Don't believe the hype that NE is taking a corner, ol Bill struck out with his last 1st round corner and Asante Samuel was a 3rd or 4th rounder, so he knows they are deep and available. Rivers brings youth to a VERY old LB corps, and is universally acknowledged as the top rated LB in the draft.

8) Baltimore - Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College. Dream scenario for the Ravens. People with purple camo pants rejoice! BIG time need (even though I think Troy Smith is a decent QB), and he competes for a starting job from day 1. I don't know if it's likely the top QB in the draft falls to 8, but I'm not huge on Ryan unlike most.

9) Cincy - Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC. Much like Ryan, I doubt Ellis or Cincy even picks at 9, but again, no trades, so be assured that Cincy picks a defensive player. They are high on Ellis, and considering he's too "short" to play in a 3-4 defense like the 3 teams before the Bengals pick, Cincy's 4-3 is a perfect fit and a perfect need.

10) Saints - Leodis McKelvin, CB, Troy. Again, rumors, they are moving up to draft Dorsey or Ellis. But they also have rumors to trade Roman Harper (their stud safety) for Shockey, which is just nuts. If they DON'T move up, I'd say Rivers would be their top option, if he's off the board, like I have him, they get their pick of all the corners. Scouts have McKelvin rated #1.

Top 10 is done, you still with me? The odds are good we will have some dance party usa around pick 15, so at least bear with me until that....

11) Bills - Devin Thomas, WR, Mich St. They have made it known that they covet a big target oposite Lee Evans. Thomas has seperated himself as the #1 WR, and at 6'2ish, that'll do for Buffalo.

12) Denver - Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St. 2 things here, I like Denver to a) trade down or b) trade up. Not a lot of people talk about this, but Shanny has no problems trading up to get a new toy, and when he moved up for Cutler, if he wasn't there, he wanted Larence Maroney. So Rashard Mendenhall is a real possibility. But Denver's line is old and not very good. A pass rusher like Harvey is a possibility. I'll go Clady, who people have as the next best offensive tackle.

13) Carolina - Chris Williams, OT, Vandy. Again, it's either offensive tackle here or they go Derrick Harvey, since Peppers got the David Duval-itis and started sucking big time for no reason. They'll see if last year was a fluke or not before the spend a top 15 pick on DE though.

14) Da Bears - Jeff Otah, OT, Pitt. VERY possible they take Mendenhall here, since he's an Illini. But benson has them blind, he may have nude pictures of Lovie Smith or something. Their o line sucks, and Otah did a great job of shutting down the #1 DE in Chris Long when they went heads up.

15) Lions - Derrick Harvey, DE, Florida. Inser WR joke here, or as the lads at ksk did so well (. But don't read that until you finish this. You should be reading it everyday anyway, it's hilarious. Now people everywhere have the Leo's taking Mendenhall, but remember the rules from above a lot apply here, RB's slip, and if everyone has the same guy.... Defensive linemen are the tits. Harvey is no exception. Marinelli knows he needs to fix the front 7. Mayo is also a possibility here.

16) Buzzsaw - Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Ilini. Simply too good to pass up. Cardinals need a corner, but there is enough depth there to wait until round 2. Mendenhall grades higher than Run DMC on some scout boards, and Edge James got the 30 year old virus. This kid is REALLY good. See Rose Bowl 2008.

17) Chiefs (from Vikings) - Phillip Merling, DE, Clemson. Goodbye Allen and your DUI's and hello to a guy who is a top 10 talent, but a guy many teams are afraid of due to hernia surgery. I like Kansas City making this trade, as Allen made it clear he wasn't signing with them long term, they get his replacement and a couple 3rd rounders in return. Not a bad deal.

18) Texans - Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida. They have a need at corner, and they get the next best after Mckelvin. If this pick pans out, the Texans may be very good next year. Crazy thought.

19) Iggles - Limas Sweed, WR, Texas. Andy Reid likes drafting guys on both lines, but no one is worth it at this pick, so they give McNabb a chance to succeed. This may be DeSean Jackson, but I think they'll go with the taller of WR's for a red zone target. Rumors are the Sheppard may be history, but with Samuel in the fold, I don't see them spending a top 20 pick on corner.

20) Tampa - Aqib Talib, CB, Kansas. Cue up rawkus records and Talib beats. Brian Kelly is gone, and Ronde Barber is old. They need corner help. Since they passed on Calvin Johnson last year and went DE, they may pass up corner needs to go WR, but I'm going with young on defense again. It's needed. A trade is a VERY real possibility for a team like Atlanta trying to get a QB.

21) Skins - Kentwan Balmer, DT, UNC. /Tips hat to maj. They may go with a wideout, but both lines need to be addressed, he's the #3 DT behind Dorsey and Ellis, projected to go mid 20's so this isn't a real reach.

22) Dallas - Felix Jones, RB, Arkansas. Everyone knows Jones wants to add a RB and went to the Ark, so this makes a lot of sense. Jones is used to being in a RBBC (he was teamed up with Run DMC the last 2 years), and this kid is a nice compliment to Marion Jones. They need a corner, but hae another pick and there is depth there, Jones will make sure he gets Jones.

23) Steelers - Gosder Cherilus, OT, Boston College. Had a less than stellar senior year, but they had him at LT, he's a natural RT and will be a solid pro there, which is where Pitt will play him. Pitt needs a LOT of help on the offensive line.

24) Titans - DeSean Jackson, WR, Cal. If they had to pick, they'd want to team up VY and Limas Sweed again, but since he's gone, I'm going Jackson, who's faster than Sweed. He also gives them a dimension of a dynamic punt returner, who they have missed since the days of Pac Man. Defensive line is a possibility as well, since they lost 3 guys to free agency.

almost done....

25) Seahawks - Dustin Keller, TE, Purdue. They need to add another dimension to their offense, and TE is that fit, Keller is a lot like Captain Chaos in DC for someone who is in the H-back mold.

26) Jax - Calais Campbell, DE, Miami. Again, this may have trade all over it for a team looking to score a QB like Brohm or Flacco. By the way, we are ABSOLUTELY doing SoCo lime shots when they draft big Joe Flacco from our fighting Blue hens.

27) Super Chargers - Jonathan Stewart, RB, Oregon. Teams have been afraid of the turf toe, but since SDSC don't have any pressing needs, they replace the back-up RB with a big time talent. Think Michael Turner 2.0.

28) Dallas - Dominque Rogers-Cromartie, CB, Ten St., Just like we talked about, it's CB here for the 'Boys, I don't know if he lasts this long, but if his last name was Rogers-Smith, I don't know if he'd have this much buzz. Just like if I sell this draft and I change my name to King-Kiper....

29) 49ers - Dan Connor, LB, WE ARE... Penn St, Need a helper bee for Mr. Willis, Connor fits the bill perfectly, if they are high on a remaining WR, they may go that direction as well...

30) Packers - Brandon Flowers, CB, VaTech. Harris and Woodson are old, and they have NO depth at corner, but considering this is the division of Tavarious Jackson, Jon Kitna/Drew Stanton, and Sexy Rexy, they may not need one.

31) Pats - HA HA (/nelson from the Simpsons voice)

32) G-Men - Tyrell Johnson, S, Ark St. All time sack leader in his conf as a safety is impressive, kid also runs a 4.4. Hellllloooo 1st round.

There ya have it. Nothing to do now except for sit back and watch the fun, make fun of picks, and assign silly "grades" after the draft before they play a single down of professional football. Oh yeah, drinking copious amounts of liquor too.

See ya Saturday.....

Endings...

When I was a kid in math class, I remember always being fascinated by the dot with a line... And how it went on forever. Then you had the dot with a line that ended at the other dot, and how depressing that was. I remember thinking about the forever of that line, that it went off the board, through the wall, and kept going on forever, this imaginary line traveling through the air, over the water, and through space, and I would just sit there and think about how cool infiniti was.

I say this because i was friends with Miles Davis on a long car ride tonight, which always means my thoughts are going a thousand mile an hour. While I won't go into the details of why, here is the thought for the night boys and girls....

Not knowing when that ending comes makes for a pretty amazing life experience. That second "dot", knowing when it ends, really is depressing.

Think about the person who wakes up one morning, has coffee, goes about their day, and approx 11pm, hits the powerball. Bam. everything changes. Unbeknownst to that person, but that day changed their life. It was any other normal day, but THAT day, was their first dot.

Think about the person who goes in for his yearly physical, only to be told he has cancer and 6 months left to be alive. Bam. Everything changes. That is their dot.

While obviously none of those have happened to me, you do see them in eveyday life. And the not knowing when things end, for the great, and the unspeakable, makes life remarkable.

You start your day with a smile, and you have a fight with your significant other, maybe even having to say goodbye. You do/say something that you can never take back. You wake up to a sunrise over looking Sydney Harbor, or Fenwick Island.

Every day has that infinite line, and no matter how bad, or how life changing it is, not knowing makes every day a life worth living. And I wouldn't have it any other way.


I'll spare the whole, "I'm back" for all 2 or 3 of you that read this. But throughout my life I've written to help me through trying times. I've thought since about the end of last summer this would be a big year for me, on a lot of fronts. Looks like I'm right. So this should be updated fairly frequently if you'd like to comment and see the progression and awareness of self. We'll learn together....

The Draft Day Case Race Experience

It's that time of year again my friends, to the show that never ends, almost literally. Where that fat, ruining of picks, hawaiian shirt wearing fuck, and coked out, I mean esteemed colleagues meet for the 2007 NFL draft.

Quick side bar about Kiper here, these last couple days he has looked like a MESS. He needs proactiv and some sunlight STAT. Also, who has the sweeter gig, Kiper or Santa Claus? Both only work 1 day a year (yes they "make toys" and "study game film", but let be honest here, it's 1 day of work). Santa has chicks sit on his lap, Kiper has TRE-mendous hair. Tough call.

Ok, so with the festivities all set to unveil in roughly 24 hours, lets take a sec for me to get my mock draft on. Now, I humbly realize these won't be correct, the draft is like setting up a bunch of dominos for a cool trick like it was Mouse Trap, as soon as you miss 1, the whole thing is fucked up. But that being considered, I'll run down some names and cock sizes (which was a new combine feature this year), since the majority of you don't know who's going where, or really care for that matter. I'm a tradionalist, fuck me.

1 - Oak-motherfucking-town - it's jaMarcus Russel here people. Fuck what ya heard, this guy throws the ball 80 yards like it was shot out of a cannon. NOT to be confused with the sex cannon though.

2 - Deeeeeetroit - Honestly? Who knows. Fire Millen is a god damn joke. I REALLY see them swapping picks with Tampa here, so I'm rollin with weed smoker #1 Calvin Johnson. If you go by what "experts" say, this is Jesus Christ with a facemask, saying he's grading higher than Bush last year. No.fucking.way. Dude is a total beast though, and should break that "don't draft a WR in rd 1 thing"

3 - Brownies - Rich old dudes LOVE white quarterbacks from Notre Dame, so this is a no brainer. Romeo Crennel is oging to get fired anyway, might as well draft the local kid to keep ticket sales up. Brady Isn't as accurate as you may believe, and relied on some UNREAL wideout's the last 2 years with Stovall and Smardjisidasddfn;a. He'll have weapons with Braylon and Kellen, who have made some QB's even WORSE than Brady looks decent. I'm not sold on Quinn, we shall see.

4 - Tampa Bay - As I said, I think this pick will be D-12's, but either way, I'm going Gaines Adams here. Lions have a raging hard on for Patrick Willis, but they need, so does Tampa for that matter, some speed, youth, and the ability to pressure the QB on the D-Line. Big time DE's dont' go out of the top 5 (see Mario Wiliams). Adams gets the nod.

5 - Buzzsaw - Matt Leinart, Edge, Anquan, and Fitz SPRINT to the podium before Zona has a chance to blow this by taking Joe Thomas. "Grades" out better than Brickshaw did last year, and OT's like him should NOT be available at pick 5. Buzzsaw protecs their assests, literally, by taking some MUCH needed OL help.

6 - Snyder's Foreskins - They have been going down on Landry recently, but a hard hitting safety who can't cover anyones job is already Sean Taylors, so I would hope Gibbs wises up and grabs Amobi Okoye, the 19 year old whizzkid who will be a free agent at 24!!! A lot of NFL'ers are just figuring out that condoms help you form having 11 kids in different states and how to drive away from the police. This kid will be signing his SECOND contract. Wow. But remember Snyder is friends with Tom Cruise who may be the only successful person OTHER than Snyder who is more crazier, so who knows.

7 - Vikes - LaRon Landry is pretty much a no brainer here. They have a ball hawk in the secondary, but have a legit void for a hard hitter. Landry knows Cover 2 (but NOT how smoot "covered 2", if ya know what I mean. double sided dildo

8 - Dirty Birds - Jamaal Anderson, not THAT Jamal Anderson, this cat has 2, count um 2 "a's". Kerney's gone, and Abraham, when not almost killing his son in the Old testament, can't stay healthy. It's a need pick, and most certainly not a reach. Now all those people who bought Anderson jerseys in the 90's are hoping to get some re-wear out of them. This dude may have the lowest total of jersey sales for all rookies. I'm excited to find out

9 - Fish - Looks like Levi Brown is the unaminious selection here. Fins need help on the o-line, and this guy rates as the #2 OL. It's a fucking offensive lineman, I doin't have anything funny to say here, next.

10 - Houston - The whole damn city runs to turn this card in, Adrian Peterson redeems the whole Texans fron office staff. They REALLY need a RB, and even with 1 collarbone, Peterson is the best they've EVER had. If Peterson is on the board, and they draft someone else, Houston will throw themselves in fornt of trains en mass. Which, from what I hear, is easy to do in Houston.

11 - Gold Miners - Patrick Willis will more than likely be gone by this time, but if not, makes perfect sense. 49ers need help on the 2nd level of their defense, and this kid worked out like he took a HGH cocktail, so teams are drooling.

12 - Buffalo - Absolute pissed Willis just went as they REALLY need a LB, Levy has a viagara hard on for Poznulskyski, but it's too early for a slow white guy under 300 lbs, so I think they fill the Clemens void and go with Leon Hall. He couldn't cover elite corners in college, but runs really fast and is a nice guy. Welcome to the top 12 draft picks!!!!

13 - Rammers - I guess it's oging to be Carriker from Nebraska, they have so many spots on their defense the levee's in New Orleans are in better shape, so whoever they have rated #1 on defense at this point will be taken, I see a run on white guys here though with a huge 2 in a row.

14 - Sex Panther - 60% of the time, it works EVERY time. and this REALLY holds true here, they have 3 needs to fill in TE, LB, and S... all 3 positions have guys who wouldn't be a reach and nice value. Gun to my head? I'll give them Jon Beason, LB from tha U. But Olsen or Nelson could be taken here jsut as easily, only safe bet is that they'll draft a guy fomr the state of Florida.

15 - Tha Burg - Need a corner, and what? A guy who WENT to Pitt is available and good? And the people up there LOVE homegrown kids? no way. Revis is the pick. Iron's all around Pitt are nervous and about to be consumed in mass quanitity.

16 - Pack - By this time I will be drunk and unable to remember the next few hours, so it sounds like a GREAT time to take Marshayn Lynch. They need a RB with dreads since Ahman Green left, well wouldn't ya know it, there is a black guy with dreads who likes running away from people. Match made in heaven.

17 - Jax - Depressing city gets some homegrown talent at safety, Reggie Nelson is the guy and IT'S A RUN ON DREADS. People across America start tokin and listening to Marley in rejoice! Oh wait, they are just smoking to be able to deal with Berman for another couple hours.

18 - Bengals - The city's law enforcement is giddy with anticapation on who they can arrest next, and it looks like tasers will have to be used with big ol Alan Branch coming to town. Branch was top 10 talent, but only decides to play every so often, so he slips to 18. Cincy needs to stop the run, this guy is wider than the lines of coke being done by Chris Henry when they make this pick.

19 - Titans - Need a WR for Madden curse 2008 VY and a return guy to replace Inmate# 320865, goes by the street name PacMan. So it looks like Ted Ginn gets the call.

20 - Gints - Coughlin loves white dudes who listen, so almost a given it's Posluszny. Only other guy would be the even BIGGER white dude Joe Staley at OT to watch Eli's ass. But Eli gets that from the meatpacking district in the city anyway.

21 - Donkeys - They are trying to trade up in the top 5 for either Calvin or Thomas, so expect either a WR or OT here, the wide outs are about the same, so I'm going with Joe Staley to help keep Cutler upright.

22 - Cowpokes - Have addressed all of their concerns already in the offseason, so these are luxury picks. Dallas doesn't like drafting offense in Rd 1, so they'll stay in state and go with Aaron Ross. Corners always go in bunches at the end of Rd 1, I don't see a reason for that to change.

23 - KC - REALLY need to draft a WR, but they've needed to do that for 3 years and haven't, so who the fuck knows. But Meachem carries a mid 1st rd grade and NEEDS to be gone by here, I'm hoping he's not so the Bolts get him, KC needs o-line help, as all their monsters have drifted into the sea.

24 - Patsies - Who knows, these guys draft with no rhyme or reason, and always make it work. Strickly a guess, but safety looks like a good spot, next guy on the list will either be Griffin in UT or this guy, who I'm going with Brandon Merriweather from tha U.

25 - j-e-t-s .... - Olsen seems like a good fit, considering Pennington can't throw it that far. Olsen gives them a threat in the middle of the field. tha U rejoices, then wonders if they had so much talent, why did we totally suck last year.

26 - Iggles - Micheal Griffin sounds about right. I'd say more, but most my friends are bird fans and would be pissed at all my iggle jokes, so lets move on since they know where i live.

27 - Ain'ts - at this point I'd be happy to be able to make a complete sentence, let alone stand up, so I don't see me celebrating the Bolts pick. Saints go with Justin harrell at DT to cause a ruckus, which NO needs on their defense.

28 - Patsies - Why does it seem like they always have 2 1st rounders.. they need a ILB, and harris is the top rated guy, so I'm going with him. But in case you're as drunk now as I will be when this pick goes through, and need a reminder from 4 picks ago, no one has a clue about these guys.

29 - Purple Cammo Wearing Fans - ravens need OL help, so I'm oging Ben Grubbs, again, these picks are boring, and my team is next, so.... NEXT

30 - Bolts - My boys need a safety, but all look to be gone at this point, so getting younger at wide out won't suck, as Rivers will need weapons on the outside of the field. Looks like Bowe from LSU carries a nice 1st rd grade, maybe Gonzalez from Ohio St as well since SoCal is so close to a whole BUNCH of dudes with the last name Gonzalez, jersey sales could sub as workers outfits. Who knows.

31 - Da Bears - Spent all their picks last year on defense, so I'll have them go with Dwayne Jarrett to be Moose's replacement. And the Sex Cannon immediately thorws a football to Saturn and fucks the USC song girls 9all at the same time) to celebrate.

32 - Colts - Need OLB, and Timmons is a great fit. That was easy. Lets just hope he's not gay, I hear Dungy doesn't like that kinda stuff.

Hope this was useful (yeah fucking right), and are able to partake in some festive beverages with me tomorrow. Enjoy the draft kids!

My Easter...

Was quite a bit different than what a lot of you fine folks out there did. For the good stuff.... easter brunch is the fucking balls. There is no way around it. Cadbury eggs? fuck. and. yes. It's fucking eggs made of CANDY! AND fucking sugar cum on the inside! I look like fucking Jenna Jameson eating one of those motherfuckers. I also made sauteed scallops yesterday that literally have changed peoples lives. I'm more than just a pretty face people.





But here's the real fun. The Sixers game last night. It's the true definition of we laughed, we cried, it became a part of us. As if I knew know what I did BEFORE the game, mi madre would have never gotten the invite. Game starts out easy (I have been drinking wine all day), enjoying life.

Game is anti-climatic for the most part, save Young Buck's dead sprint dunk, and Josh Smith's reverse oop (WAY fucking incredible). Sixers played like shit in the 2nd quarter, which MAY or may not have resulted in what happens next....


FUCKING DUDE 10 ROWS UP FROM ME DIES!!!!! His wife is a mess, crying all over the place. Dude isn't breathing, it's a bad scene (insert, this is what you get for being a sixers fan joke). Meds arrive, and drag the guy, straight out of his seat, up the isle, compleltly unconscious.


To say the least, it kinda took the air out of the building.


Next is where my Easter comes full circle. Cut scene to halftime, I'm watching the Sox game, yup, you guessed it, drinking with my lil bartender from the Gods, and D calls. Apparantly someone is having trouble getting into the Lex. Who is it you ask?

That would be Mary Carey. Now who is this genius blonde who speaks in iambic pentameter, who reads Tolstoy in her spare time, that is close for solving for Pi? Rhodes Scholar? Nobel Prize Winner? No. She's a porn star. She's also the chick who ran for govenor of Cali. She was bombed out of her tree and security wouldn't let her on the floor to get into Lex. So I go and save the damsel in distress. I introduce myself to her tits, I mean I say hi. Tell security she's good, and we romp, where we directly go into the mens room where she gives me a toe curler blowjob. Ok, 1 of those things aren't true. I just won't say which. A gentleman never tells.

The rest is just boring details of the why's, the black guys yellin at her, the doucebag she was with in a yankee hat, her other porn star friends who were there, the story of why I did it, and not someone who works there. But lets be honest, you people don't want to hear that shit, you want me to post a pic of her with no clothes on..... Who says I don't love you people.....

Bold Announcement

Let me prefice this by saying I realize I may get some heat for this. Anything from "Baseball is boring", "you turncoat motherfucker", etc. Now to the good stuff...

I'll admit that I am EXTREMELY excited for the upcoming baseball season. I'm not entirely sure as to why, but all of the main components of the game... being outside on a warm summer day with a cold beer and a stale hot dog in hand, the history, the beauty, are all resonating deep within my heart this spring. I have a fantasy baseball team for the first time in 5 years, I'm reding articles, the whole 9.

With this new found joy, I came to a conslusion that while I may be unsure about, for some reason "FEELS" right. I am throwing my hat into the ring for 1 of the hard luck cases in recent memory. I'm becoming a Phillies fan.

I've been raised a Red Sox fan, and the moment they won the Series a few years back will not only be a night, but a solid month of non-stop memories, culminating with a sick me counting outs and hugging my Mom after the final out, finally believing in the truly unbelievable.

The thing with that is this.... it wasn't "mine". I was forced into the Red Sox Nation with the same atmosphere as your parents deciding which religion is best suited for your needs. While there is a lot of history in that, and the stories out of the Nation that fateful fall actually made me well up with tears in some cases, I was somewhat at arm's reach from it. I didn't grow up living and dying with every season, I became a fan by proxy. My grandfather was an alter boy with Yaz when they were kids, and in turn, my family became Sox fans when Carl made the team. So while that story will forever be a part of Kwasnieski family lore, it's not a reason to root for the Sox. it's a reason to root for Yaz.

Here is what I DO remember as a kid and professional baseball. Going to the Vet with my grandfather (die hard Phightin Phils fan), going to the Dog House on the way up to the game, and stopping for pizza on the way home. Without fail, every time. I remember the give aways, Juan Samuel being my favorite Phillie (he wore my favorite number 8), laughing at Von Hayes and his nose being the size of Kenya, wondering how Ken Tkulve could throw like that, etc. It wasn't wins and losses, it was true fandom as a kid, and it was bliss.

So while the interest faded as I grew older, when I stopped collecting baseball cards, and my interest turned to football and basketball, I became disinterested in all things Phillies. The Len Dystrka, Mitch Williams, John Kruk years (and another epic city of Philadelphia melt down) had absolutely zero impact on my life. Unlike the Sixers getting crushed by the Lakers in 2000, or basically every year I've been a Charger fan. Which is why it's ironic that I lost interest after the stories came out how "tainted" those teams really were.

So while I tuned in for Cal's streak, the home run summer of Mac and Sammy, and watched the playoffs, my heart was never truly in to it. Which is why this year is different. I'm excited, I need a place to put my unbridled passion. Re-capture my youth. Create memories. I need something thats "mine" (like the Chargers and Sixers are). So I stumble upon a team with young stars and a rabid fan base awaiting something to grasp on to. I read all the great things about their players, Aaron Rowand giving everything on the field, I read this about Ryan Howard (http://articles.phillymag.com/articles/ryan_howard_is_not_a_creep_a_cheat_a_liar_or_a_fraud/ ), and it hits me. All of this is SUPPOSED to happen.

So Phillies, you've gained a fan. While 1 of my deeper regrets was not repaying my grandfather by taking him to the new Citizens Bank park, with his son, 3 grandchildren, and great grandchild, as we discussed, before his death last year. I can do it post mordum. I can be along for the ride, no matter where it takes me. I can rekindle the joy I had as a kid. I can re-live memories with friends and family. I can love a sport that brought me in to all the other sports avenues all over again. I can be a fan, and make it truly mine.

Lets play ball......