Christmas Rules

So it looks like everyone and their brothers monkey's uncle are having christmas parties this weekend, so my Christmas juices start flowing down my chin like a bukkake video, it's time for some Christmas rules...

• Charlie Brown and the Grinch are the shit. There are really no exceptions on this. I don't care how badass you are, the scene with Linus gets me everytime. And on that note, fuck the Who's and their Christmas Cheer.



• Egg Nog basically rules the fucking planet. I hear whispers that Lewes Dairy rules the Egg Nog Earth, but Hell To Da Naw, I rep the Wawa. I spice the shit out of with my old buddy Captain Morgan, and sprinkle Nutmeg on top. Sure it looks like my lip got blasted by Peter North after each one, but fuck that. Egg Nog is taking over.



• Fuck all the extra verses in Christmas songs. Who knows the 2nd verse to Jingle Bells? Or Silent Night? O Come All Ye Faithful? Exactly. It's fucking pointless. Lets skip verse #2-163 and make another glass of Egg Nog.



• There is NO downside to open bar. Winter is to Christmas Parties as Summer is to weddings. You drink copious amounts of free liquor. Name a poison, I don't care. Shots? line um up. Wine with dinner? Give me the big glass of Opus One. Scotch to sip on? Johnny Walker Blue please. Yes I realize the last 2 choices are roughly $75 a glass, we have an open tab bitches!



• Deliah's. Yup, Deliah's Christmas Party should be attended by every straight male within a 50 mile radius. Burns like gonorrhea that I can't go, and ironically enough it burns like gonorrhea when I CAN go. Go figure.



• Chicks dressing up like whore elves. Just in case you didn't get your fill on the devils holiday in October. The beautiful babies come out in full force sucking on candy canes and wearing outfits a real elf could wear just as much on baby jesus' day as well. Hell. Yes. It's what I ask for every christmas.



• Christmas Music. God bless Sinatra, Nat King Cole..... The Mariah Careys, Clay Aikens, and the like..... go fuck yourselves. I like my Christmas music old school. When you bat shit insane musicians try to start messing around with your "Wishing you were Rudolph" gay songs, blow me.



• Home Alone. Yeah, I'll admit it, I LOVE this movie. Watch it all year round. It's just that now is the only time of year I can watch it and not be considered out of my damn mind.

So there ya have it folks. Go enjoy the open bars, christmas songs, and the overall happiness this time of year. Forced or not, it always nice to be met by a smiling face, and to share a little Christmas spirit with everyone. If you need me, I'll be at my first Christmas party tomorrow, yes open bar, at Espuma in Rehoboth. here's hoping they have Opus One.

and don't think I'd leave ya hangin.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5TF4U36GFg